Billy you're my Friend

Billy You`re My Friend

Billy you`re my friend
Let me tell you what I saw
I saw you in the park
Walking mysteriously in the dark

When I looked again
I saw you weren`t alone Bill
You had a girl by your side
Was then I realized she was mine

I was hurt
Eyes could not believe what they saw
Ears could not believe what they heard
But they just bent with every word they heard

It`s absurd cos
Billy you`re my friend
We grew up together
How could you do this to me

Billy you`re my friend
Now that I`ve told you what I saw
I think I`ll be on my way
There seems to be nothing more to say
Billy you`re my friend

Theodore

Flying united can be fun. Sometimes, anyway.

Last weekend we decided to fly to Florida for the Labor Day festivities. We flew United...well actually we sat next to each other on United's frugal airline Ted....I call it Theodore since I am not ready to give it a Nickname. Theodore is the airline that charges you 25.00 to check your bag and 5.00 for s snack. (I would suggest they should give you a 25.00 credit on your ticket price to check your bag and then everyone would get on the aircraft and in their seats in time for the crate to take off on time. However, in our case I doubt it would have made a difference)

Here is a chronicle of our four flights:

Cedar Rapids to Chicago. We get in this small commuter jet that did not have any air conditioning and lumber out on the tarmac to be advised by the pilot that there is "weather" going through Chicago at the present and that we can not take off because O'hare is not accepting any more incoming aircraft. We would wait 15 minutes for further instruction. He also advised that he would have to shut down the engines but would leave the AC on "full blast" for our comfort. Keep in mind this AC was only a figment of someone imagination to begin with. The tiny aircraft is fully loaded and we are all perspiring profusely. After about 15 minutes he advises that they are aking for another 30 minutes until the next advisory. At this time "Ken" the sole flight attendant offers us water. After the 30 minute wait the next advisory asks for 45 minutes more. At that time the merciful pilot advises that we are going back to the terminal. This was just in the nick of time and we were wilting rather quickly. We bask in the wonderful air conditioning of the Eastern Iowa Airport while we await further commands. Soon we are asked to reboard and are again on our way. Of course we miss our connecting flight which was supposed to bring us to Tampa at 5:07.

2. The next flight was supposed to leave at 4:44 and the aircraft was firmly at the skybridge....but we were not boarding. Soon an announcemet told us we were waiting for the fourth flight attendant so that we could board the craft. Then came the word that there was a flight attendant that was flying standby and consequently we could board since he volunteered to help us cram our unchecked bags into the overhead compartments. Okay now we are all seated when the captain came over the lound speaker to advise that the flight attendant was still not onboard but that the airplance had landed somewhere at O' hare. So.....we cooled our butts and waited about 25 minutes for the last of the crew to arrive. Now we push off and lumber towards a runway...al last we would be heading to our destination. We stopped short of taking off with the announcement that there was a computer that had not properly reset or rebooted. They were going to turn off all power then wait 5 minutes and try to reset the damn thing. We waited the alloted time and they tried the reset and nothing.....so back to the jet bridge where they would get the contracted mechanics to look at the computer. We waited awhile for the mechanic...he was probably on break....because it took a while for him to show up and presto after a few more attempts the puter was reset.

It was at this time that we met Rod, who is a member of United's Global Services. He has a personal concierge who shadows him and also has the same seat with the exit row extra leg room on every flight he has with Theodore. He explains that his work schedule has him globe trotting and Theodore took a shining to him. We are now airborne and even though I had some of the Puzzlers drink coupons, the flight attendant brought us drinks ...doubles each time.
Actually, I figured Rod was a Sky Marshall until I saw him slam down a few Finlandias in quick order. The mystery lady was desperately trying to put a dent into Theodore's Supply of Jack. By the time we got to Tampa (another hour behind the new revised schedule) she was all jacked up.

The time in Florida was delightful....now it was time to go home again and since the mystery lady had an early morning flight the next day to go to a store opening for Nordstrom in Los Angeles we booked an early flight back home.....the saga continues.

We board our aircraft and take our seats within one row from the rear and cram our carry ons in the overheads....we leave the skybridge after a delay because the power cord fell out of the aircraft and were again told we had a computer problem. The pilot tried to reset and being unsuccesfull we headed back to the terminal for a closer look by a mechanic. After some more delay the mechanic cannot get the computer to work either and now we are told to go back the ticket counter and reschedule onto a different flight. ( I beleive this was the same airplane as before) Anyway, do you know where you end up in line at the ticket counter when you are in the second to the last row of the aircraft......you get the picture.

I checked my watch and for 25 minutes the line of 150 some people did not move.
I called Billy's landlord because he has all the secret customer service numbers for all the airlines....but he was in Canada fishing and not taking any calls. BTW he STILL hasn't returned my call. I go online with my trusty Blackberry and Google for the secret number. I finally find a website that tells you how to get past the automated voice prompt guy and talk to a live person and plead our plight. He tells me that we have already been rescheduled on another flight tomorrow morning. I advise him this is not acceptable as the mystery lady needs to be at the Eastern Iowa Airport at 5:00 to get on her flight to California. After much whining I convinced him to book us on the last flight out of Tampa this date...


After this accomplishment we head right to TGIFridays for some fortification and are surprised when the bartender knows us and asks us if we want the drinks charged to our house account. You see he was employed in food and beverage at our resort and you could say he has seen plenty of us.....He makes us a super duper drink or two and we are off to the next gate.

Of course this flight was delayed also, but we ran into Rod who was on this flight as well and I knew Global Services would not let him down. This flight left about an hour late with no real excuse...we were just happy to be airborne again.

We arrive in Chicago with quite a bit of time so we stop at the McDonalds which is doing A Schatzi's volume of business. We get to our gate to head for Cedar Rapids to again be advised that the flight is delayed....you see our airplane is on the tarmac but there is another plane in our gate which needs to move out before we can load the craft. After 30 minutes wait we are loaded into the tiny commuter but we aren't moving....it appears there is a mechanical problem with the skybridge and we are waiting for a mechanic to come and fix that so it can be separated from the side of the plane. We wait another 20 minutes and we are disjoined. Maybe a bucket of water did the trick. We arrive in Cedar Rapids at about 11:15 pm very weary and the mystery lady now has precious few hours to repack and catch a few winks.

Next day she boards her United flight for California and everything is going quite well until there is some strange noise on their 777 and shortly thereafter the pilot announces that they have lost one of their two engines and they are required to land at the closest airport which is Las Vegas. She said the runway was lined with firetrucks....but the landing was A- Okay. Maybe you saw it on Fox News. Now another delay while Ted sends for a replacement aircraft. Bottom line she arrives in Los Angeles 7 hours late.

Maybe next time...something attached to rails!