Billy's Hero...Evel Knievel

The last time I saw my buddy Evel was in the mid 80's in Las Vegas. I was doing gambling junkets to the Maxim Hotel & Casino.

Parked right out front in the rock star section was a well used Aston Martin Lagonda (Click HERE for more info on the car) with Montana tags that read "EVEL". I knew Billy's hero was in the house. I looked through the BJ pits and in the bar, but it was at Da Vinci's Restaurant where I spied him with a scotch in one hand. I said "are you Evel?" and he acknowledged his identity.

We exchanged some pleasantries and then I told him about my friend Billy and his condition and his aspirations to be rocketed across a ravine or parking lot or just be able to clear Clear Creek. He just sort of smiled. He knew.

When he got older he would visit with Billy when he was coming through Iowa. I have included a picture of a recent visit. Notice that Snatches took a liking to him as well.

I was listening to the nice people at Fox and Friends and they are telling me that Evel has passed away at age 69. Billy is so sad.

Who's on First?.....we Are!

Billy gets cabin fever quite often. Or should I call it 'tank fever'? He is always wanting me to bring the Hummer over to his apartment and take him on an excursion. Wednesday, we picked him up and got together with the Pizza Baron and his wife and Billy's Godparents and we headed to Who's On First in Cedar Rapids.

As you recall, Billy is a big sports fan and he will seek out anything sports. For the past several weeks he has been bugging me about Who's on First. The Puzzler & the school marm had just returned from Florida where they auditioned to be 'poster children' for skin cancer awareness.

We convinced the Pizza People to dine with us instead of going to Tacoland. Billy likes all the off color jokes that he can use at school.

We arrived en mass and were escorted to the back of the place. Maybe to accommodate the lung...maybe because they knew we would be rowdy. We ordered up some drinks and tried out the pool table.

Heather was our bartender and server all wrapped in one and she took good care of us.
Billy ordered a chocolate malt with two straws and we were off to the races. The Puzzler ordered a gaggle of chicken wings and immediately tried to make a game out of them.

Before long the Karioke Kouple set up there wares and Mr Pizza was singing his heart out. The school marm spotted a young lad with a message on his shirt. She was seen whispering in his ear....probably something about improper grammer, I suspect. Of course, now Billy wants a shirt just like it. Maybe Santa will bring one for him.

Billy Evans...not the REAL Billy

As you can imagine, Billy receives a lot of Emails due to this blog. Usually they are filled with words of encouragement and offers of help either financially or people willing to take their turn in the barrel. I made a copy and paste of a recent email he received and I am posting it for all to see. It appears someone is trying to piggyback on Billy's gig.

This guy even has the nerve to use the name Billy!

Billy Evans Email:

My name is Billy Evans. I AM A very sick little boy.

My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She Is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so Sick. I was Born without A body. It doesn't hurt, Except when I try to breathe.

The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is A burlap Bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the Best they could do ON account of us having No money OR Insurance.

I would like to have A body transplant, but we need More money. Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody Hires crying people. I said, " Don't cry, Mommy and " and She hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, Even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her Sneeze and chafes her real bad.

I hope you will help me. You can help me if you Forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to People you don't know, the too. Dr. Johansen said that for Every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates Will team up with AOL and send A nickel to NASA. With That funding, NASA will collect prayers from school Children all over America and have the astronauts take Them up into space so that the angels can hear them Better.

Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, And he will take up A collection IN church and send All the money to the doctors. The doctors could help Me get better then. Maybe one day I will be able to Play baseball. Right now I can only be third base.

Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can Take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be Closer to coming true. Please help me. Mommy is so Sad and and I want A body. I don't want my leaves to rot Before I turn 10

If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy Says you're A mean and heartless bastard who doesn't Care about A poor little boy with only A head. She Says that if you don't stew IN the raw pit of your own Guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die A long slow, Horrible death and then burn forever IN hell.

What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take Five freakin' minutes to forward this to all your Friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about Ignoring A poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy? Please Help me.

I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had A Kitty. I wish I could hold A kitty. I wish I could Hold A kitty that wouldn't chew ON me and try to bury Its turds IN the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that Very much.

Thank You,

Billy " Smiles " Evans

Billy's You tube video of the week.

Billy spends most of his indoor time with the computer (laptop) suspended from a block and tackle over his head. He has become hooked on You Tube and frequently calls in his Mom and Dad to review his favorites. I was over this Thanksgiving weekend and he asked me to put this one on the blog to share.

So knock yourself out. Its not the Godfather but you'll enjoy.

Moose Rites

Right before a major holiday like Thanksgiving, frequently the Ex club guys and Ex club wannabes might be found all gathered around the conjoined tables at the Moose to settle a last minute world crisis or talk about a sporting event which already occurred. Favorite topics are deaths in the news or news about some grave illness which has plagued someone we know. Most often the discussion leads to religion or politics.


In the old days the subject matter might have been the opposite gender....if you know what I mean.

This particular evening it was about the pizza baron's doctor visit that afternoon. Gary was celebrating the good news with his trademark Funnie. Mary was all smiles, knowing that her sex life would not come to a screeching halt and the rest of them could care less. It was only natural that the discussion shifted to politicians.

To the people outside of the state of Iowa and in foreign countries who follow my blog, you may not realize how equally divided the state is. However, amongst our group, it is way lopsided and we occasionally have to import a democrat to give their view.

We do have a token Liberal, Naked Gun, but he spends his winters in Key West fantasying about Festivals and trying to control the chicken population. Naked Gun has won the agitator award many times. In his absence the Gentleman Farmer, Donnie A and the retired Advertising Executive, Tommy W. will fill in for him.

The Hopper usually leads the charge on the conservative view. The Hopper is a mild mannered, low keyed, laid back gentleman who has hot glued his caps lock key in the upper position. A memo from The Hopper LOOKS SOMETHING LIKE THIS. The Hopper drives a Ford Expedition with the Gas Guzzler Tax declarationn proudly displayed next to his Boston Red Sox decal and his Mitt2008 placard. The Hopper was a runner up in the Sexiest Red Sox Fan competition for Peoples Magazine. Click here for more information. He has the "I donated to the Police Dept Fund Drive" strategically placed on the drivers side window where a cop would surely see it in the event he was pulled over for a traffic infraction. The Hopper was in premed for a short time and now works for a local doctor, who shall remain nameless.


This particular evening, the table adjacent to the 'fountain of knowledge' was occupied by group of chicks who were celebrating a birthday. They were hitting on to the Ex Club guys, but the discussion had already escalated.


They could come back for Ladies Night, but the sign in the men's room(how many ladies are going to see it there) indicated it had been canceled due to the impending holiday.













[Bloogers Note this post would have published in a timely manner, but I was flat on my back for the past 36 hours fighting a nasty bug]