Who is Billy?

Billy is a friend of the family, actually I dated his aunt and that is how I met Billy. Billy has a bit of a disability due to the fact that he is confined to an iron lung. I try to help the family out as much as possible and take Billy on field trips and try to entertain him whenever possible.

He has become a good buddy. Like this weekend, ( I usually like to do things which him on weekends) he had the wish to go to an Iowa Hawkeye game in Iowa City. Well I just about had the iron lung loaded in the back of my Hummer H2 when the next door neighbor queried me as to where we were headed. I told him I was taking Billy to the Carver - Hawkeye Arena for the game. He said there was no game there and that they were playing at the State Penn against some Lions or something like that. Well I didn't have any time to run to this State Penn place so there was no football for Billy.

Billy's mom, Prisilla Lee Schulte grew up in Watkins, Iowa and went to school in Norway. Prisilla Lee was quick to learn the splits as a young lady and she would be destined to become a cheerleader at Norway High School. Prisilla Lee was a frisky girl if you know what I mean and she didnt take to wearing underwear very often. This could be evidenced at her stint has head cheerleader. The team soon caught on to the fact that she was missing part of her uniform and soon was dating most of the team...well everyone ...except the Butz boy who was left out for some reason. Billy's mom was proud of her conquests and often sat around the family dinner table discussing in detail her extra curricular activities with the Norway High School Baseball team.

Well, lo and behold, this Sunday was the premiere of the movie The Final Season which was filmed in Norway and was about the team. Billy asked me if I could take him to the premiere. This was an invitation only premiere and my attempts to get some tickets were unsuccessful. It seems that one of the actors a certain Tom Arnold had hogged a bunch of the comps for his family and Billy was forced to stay in the theatre parking lot in his iron lung in the sweltering 88 degree heat. He damn near died! He wanted to go to the movie because he is convinced that one of the Norway ballplayers of 1990 -1991 season is his real dad.

Instead, I decided to take Billy to the local dog shelter....I call it the dog pound...he was wanting one of those designer dogs...I think it was called a Snickerdoodle....well the pound did not have a Snickerdoodle but the nice lady at the pound took pity on Billy in the iron lung and pushed him back and forth thru the different holding pens of the puppys for adoption. She pointed out this one puppy she said was special and Billy took an immediate liking to her.


Well we took the dog home to Billys mom and dad and Billy was wondering what was so special about this dog. He thought it was just a Heinz 57 sort of dog. The family turned the dog on his back and they discovered the dog had two vaginas. Billy named the dog "Snatches".