Breakfast at the House of Billy

Billy loves his cat clock which he got from his dad many years ago. I think it was one of the first gift items Otto received by redeeming the Raliegh coupons.

Billy loves football and he has upgraded the cat clock in his room to the FootBall version. His favorite team is still the Iowa Buckeyes even though they had a rather disappointing season. Billy is not a quitter.

Yesterday morning I stopped over at the von Crippes around breakfast time. You see they make the best "Swedish" pancakes and I am usually invited to join them for a cake or two.

Well, yesterday, one of Priscilla's pancakes took on a life of its own. It was a cross between the virgin Mary and the face on the cat clock.

Billy is no ones dummy and he can recognize an opportunity. I now have the coveted pancake. Watch for it soon on Ebay.

The T ycoon

Its not often that Mr. G invites me to any of his social events......in fact this is the first legitimate invitation I have received. Well of course I have been invited to his Saturday Game Day Buckeye Parties.....but they are usually the games that are not on TV at his house and he is sitting in some bar with satellite TV with that smug look on his face. Mr. G is not very techy. He is sans computer and cellphone. He does have a wired phone with a 30 ft extension cord which allows him to be mobile in his house. It was from this very device that I got the invite. (Don't call him from 10 - 11 am weekdays because he doesn't want to be interrupted while The View is on.)

So when he called me about the reopening of the Tycoon for cocktail hour, I felt honored. Little did I know it was also his Christmas party all wrapped in one event....at least that is what he told me.

He had Uncle Tony cater the event with wings that would usually go for 25 cents per each. Felicia was our server for the event.

You see the Tycoon is where the wags would go for cocktails after work when the Fox finally closed its doors for the last time. The Fox is short for the Fox and Hounds which had long been an institution in downtown Cedar Rapids. It is where I met my second wife Rosie. I was driving a fire engine red Triumph TR-6 and it was parked in the loading zone right in front of the joint and the Dragon restaurant was just that and not a gay bar....but I digress. I think thats a whole other post...stay tuned.

Anyway, returning to the Tyke is like looking into an open grave...if I can paraphrase Bob S. And when I stepped into the "institution" last night it all came back. You see its been at least three years since I set foot in the place, yet it seemed like yesterday...well really not like yesterday, because yesterday the weather people prevented me from going outside....but you know what I mean.

The smells were the same. Tim was behind the bar and asked me what I wanted. I responded with "the regular" and he remembered the formula. Tim is still the same. He may have added a pound or two....but so did I and it appears that his barber may have passed away a few months ago...but like I say its like an open grave....nothing really changes. There were the Tycoon babes...albeit not as many as the past...but babes are always apart of the "Coon".

Mikie was there for the first shift sitting in his signature bar stool, ringing the ashtray with his expended Camel cigarette butts and using the quarters he receives in change as a counting system for the drinks. David was not at his assigned table. Instead he was at the host's table and he was missing his mom's 100th birthday party for this event....now thats dedication.

The undercover cops showed up for the second shift. Jimbo (not his real name), the entertainer showed up. Mr Popcorn showed up. The Schled showed up. Czar Nicholas was there. Barrister Henry was there with his traction devices. It was almost as much fun as one of Mr G's home parties, I imagine.

A trip to the Tyke would not be complete with out a visit to the men's room. You see there is a new contraband amongst the youth of Cedar Rapids. It used to be fashionable to rip off the hood ornament of Cadillacs and other luxury cars and wear them around your neck. Now the status symbol is to have Hand Sanitizer dispensers prominently displayed in your home. A quick check in the mens' room confirmed that the Tyke's was safe and secure. Be sure to use some of that stuff after flicking the urinal handle....like I said some things just don't change.

It wasn't long before a Tycoon babe worked her way over to the table to wish our host a Merry Christmas.

Thanks Greg...A great party.

Billy is Pissed!

Yesterday was my turn in the barrel, so to speak, because Regina gets her hair and nails done every other Tuesday. I told Billy I was cleared to take him to therapy because of The Ex Club got canceled due to perceived weather.

I got the Hummer out to get through an inch and a half of slush and went to the post office where my mail was delivered on time. You see the US Postal Service can't afford to listen to the weather prognosticators with their First Alert PinPoint Doppler Radar. So the mail arrived at the Post Office before 8 AM. By the way, my morning friend never did make it to my house..they must listen to their own weather reports.

In the old days we only had plain old radar and weather maps on a chalk board and Conrad Johnson. Its been said that ever since Conrad Johnson died we have not had good weather. (For you younger bloggees, Conrad was the weatherman on Channel 2 for many years until he died from lung cancer...I suspect Raleigh's.) Billy's favorite weather person is Dominica Davis from Fox News. I like Janice Dean the weather machine.

The weather gurus had predicted freezing rain and told everyone to stay at home. Well that message put my sleepy village of Amana into a deep coma. I went to the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker and they were all closed. I couldn't buy a wienie...I couldn't buy a bun for my wienie or a candle in case the power went out. I went to the Woolen Mill...closed..... how would I keep warm without a blanket. I decided to get a haircut.....closed. Maybe I can get my dental check up....closed. All the restaurants.....closed. All this because of a little slush which by late morning had turned to rain. The bank next door to my office had a sign posted which said, "Closed Due to Weather" ( Who braved the weather to put the sign up? And if you got there to place the sign...why not stay there and make change for a 10 spot).

My bank, US Bank-Amana Branch was open...so I could get some cash and go to the Casey General HandiStore and buy gas........but I had no destinations to go to. The attorney office was open...in case you slipped in the slush....you could sue someone. Tim Meyer Financial was open...so you could buy an accident policy in case you got hurt when you slipped in the slush. Amana Insurance Agency was open so you could buy a liability insurance policy in case someone sued you because you slipped in the slush.

Anyway...Billy didn't make it to therapy. He loves therapy...because it gets him out of the lung for awhile and he thinks the 30 something therapist is hot. Instead he stayed home reading a comic book. Did I say...Billy is Pissed?

Everybody loves a Parade & so does Billy....

Last night was the long awaited Christmas Parade in downtown Cedar Rapids. Billy has been laying in anticipation of this event. After all, who doesn't like a parade.

We wanted to get a good vantage point so we started out at the Dublin. The usual wags were there and a table of extras were there from the Sip...I suspect The Sip had a bomb scare or something like that. We settled in for a little fortification before the parade, but the smoke was excruciating and Billy can not tolerate any more second hand smoke. Also there were bunches of little street urchins running around and taunting Billy.

We very swiftly exited the front door and rolled him into Zins. Zins is very Billy friendly because it is a no smoking facility and the staff is always happy to see us. They remembered us from our last visit and ushered us to the bar where we could get a view of the parade through the windows.

Lisa the Beverage Manager was busy cleaning the glassware while Mr Pizza gave specific instructions for the making of a "Funnie". It wasn't long and Billy was asking for a better look. We brought along an empty Schlitz case which was on the front porch of the von Crippe residence so that we could prop up the head end of the lung so Billy could see better.

We went outside only to run into Jeff and Anne his social workers, who had just completed dinner at Vins.

Billy loved all the lights and the and was noticeably excited when the entry with Oprah and a presidential candidate, whose name escapes me, went by in the Caddy convertible. Billy loves Oprah and all she stands for.

After the parade Billy was hungry and we decided to go to the Moose for the Friday night ribs only to be disappointed that they had been discontinued. It must of been antler night at the Moose because a lot of the patrons were so adorned. As we were perusing the menu Kenny appeared through the front door. This was an unusual sighting as Kenny is in the witness protection program...oooops I'm sorry if I outed him. I'm not too worried. Kenny doesn't stay in any one place for any length of time.



We stopped by the end booth to give birthday wishes to someone who was celebrating a little early and then united the Leo twins.

We never did get around to ordering any food, but Billy had accumulated lots of candy from the parade and he sustained himself on all the sweets for the ride home.

Billy's Godmother lashes back

I received this email today and will share it with all of Billy's fans....... Lets help the lungster out. Your comments please.

Hi Bruce: As Billy's Godmother, I find myself outraged over an article I read in today's Gazette.

On page 4B, upper right column, appears an article giving all kinds of attention (even a color photo) to Jenna Smith, of Iowa City, who is asking us to vote for her in the Kidney Dialysis Idol contest!

There is even a web site for this Kidney Dialysis Idol contest and voting began last Monday.

OK, why in the world is our Little Billy being snubbed? We need to get moving on forming Billy's contest - The Iron Lung Idol Contest.

The foundation for those kidney patients is called "Kidneeds." - Billy's Foundation would be called The LunGuys.

We all know that Billy is an idol in our hearts, as are you who so lovingly care for him.

Fondly,

Godmother